Giving God the benefit of the doubt.

If you've only just met me within the last four years, the notion that my mind still securely houses a fairly concrete Lutheran notion of theology might come as a shock. Especially since I devote a lot of time towards legalizing gay marriage and a variety of illegal drugs.

Yes, boys and girls, I'm a "Christ follower." A girl named Lara once threatened me with a table knife at Baker's Square over the revelation of this information. Of course, she still owes me $200 and is generally an unhappy human being so we'll let her mad little opinions slide.

Now let's clarify a few things. I've taken great strides and great comforts in distancing myself from the bulk of modern-day Christianity, most of whome come off as shrill, vengeful little suburbanites yearning to drench themselves in the blood of the queer as they round up all the homosexuals for extermination, paranoid mothers of "darling little lambs" all too eager to sign over the last vestiges of liberty to a vicious theocratic government that promises to "protect" her from all their manufactured threats, or otherwise sensible men and women who believe God directly told them to switch off their minds and circle the wagons because the Apocalypse is "right around the corner."

That may be the Christian religion at large but it sure as Hell ain't my belief.

My faith is lightweight and portable. My faith is efficient and practical. My faith addresses the core of the human problem and gives me hope through the very nature of its simplicity.

Ephesians 2:8-9; "For it is by Grace you have been saved, through Faith, and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Not by works, lest any man should boast."

OK. There you have it. God's taken care of everything. All we have to do is say the right name at the door. Furthermore, it addresses the issue of pride, probably the biggest threat to faith today, that people think their own actions "earn" them a higher reward. Not the case. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We are all fuckups. We couldn't save our souls if we wanted to. I'll offer up an exhortation to those who claim to profess my same faith; start living like you're lucky. Consider everlasting death a bullet dodged.

Besides, even if the Apocalypse is right around the corner, it's going to be one hell of a show. Grab the popcorn, I say. Bring it!

It's taken me a long time to come here. I wound up in a Lutheran high school my sophomore year, way the hell back in 1995, mostly because I was too much of a pansy for public school and was getting my ass beat on a regular basis. This was a mistake. I should've toughed it out. It would have perhaps driven a splinter of discipline into my otherwise lackadaisical heart.

Lakeside Lutheran HS lead to another mistake; Wisconsin Lutheran College. Imagine, if you will, a tightly cloistered clump of red-brick buildings on the western edge of Milwaukee proper, tasked with making sure all that prime teenage Lutheran feeder stock winds up a pack of glassy-eyed xenophobes, coddled and sheltered and taught first and foremost that the world at large is out to get them.

I got accepted to UW/Madison and I went to WLC. That's probably the biggest mistake of my adult life. The last five or six years I've spent trying to compensate for that; I'm a film student at UW/Milwaukee finishing my second undergrad degree. Granted, a UW/M BA in Film is going to be just about as useful as a WLC BA in English from an automatic career perspective. But at least I've actually been able to observe "the world at large."

Politically, I've struck out on my own. I believe people need to be free to do whatever they want to do as long as they're not injuring others. Life, liberty, and property in the Jeffersonian ideal. That's my bag, man. That makes me by default a Libertarian although the stench of 40-year-old dudes gathering in their moms' basements to wank off over a picture of Ayn Rand is a bit of a turnoff.

The Republicans still talk a good line about keeping their mitts out of our financial business, which makes it a real shame that (at least on the national level) it's all lies. The recent Democrat sweep of Congress wasn't so much the Dems winning as the GOP losing.

I think it was P. J. O'Rourke who put it best; "Politicians, like diapers, need changing often. And for the same reason."

So, these days, generally speaking, I vote against the incumbent. Even if they're all crooks, this way none of them are in there long enough to do lasting damage.

On the gay marriage thing. That boggles a lot of people I know. My own mother was all "But they're burning in HELL!" Alright, so, what about the millions of atheists, Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, Hindis, SubGeniuses and various other non-Christian believers who get married every year? Technically all of that's as much a violation of the Christian sanctity of marriage as a couple of hypothetical dudes named Adam & Steve.

That gay marriage is a "threat" to the institution of marriage is another one of them lies our Government has told us in the interest of controlling us. Truth is, Christians get married twice in this country, once on the altar before God, their families, and all the world, and then, once more, out in the hallway when they sign a little piece of paper for the sake of the Government. That little piece of paper is the only one that matters to the Government and the only one that the gay marriage movement has a legitimate right to pursue, and I say give it to them.

It's just a dang old contract regardin' burial rights, inheritance, and income tax discounts.

And if you, as a Christian, are opposed to gay marriage because then they'll be getting a tax break, Shut the Fuck Up, Please.

The income tax wasn't even constitutional but this ain't the place for that diatribe. Point of fact, taxation is more or less theft and it's in everyone's best interest to avoid as much of it as possible.

Here's what I'm saying. Government is 100% a tool of force. It is raw coercion, and our country was quite brilliantly set up to protect the average citizen from the abuse of that power. Power being what it is, though, more or less a magnetic fluid that feeds on its own density, a lot of it's crept back in to the institutions. If you value freedom, if you value your God-given inalieable rights, don't go around barking for the Government to meddle with the rights of people who aren't violating yours.

Same goes for drugs. Hell, I like chaos. Same goes for prostitution and parking tickets.

The Crusaders tried using violence and oppression to spread the message of God. Yeah, that worked out REAL good, didn't it? Real fine role models.

Horse puckey. Religion has one true method: non-coercive persuasion. You want to change hearts and minds, the worst thing you can say is that they have to do it your way or else. Coercion breeds contempt.

This post is more or less a direct response to the few contacts from WLC I've reconnected with, primarily Hannah Schmiege, who sad to say has really taken up the whole flaming-sword-of-truth-and-righteousness trip. I mean, hey, it's like the song, whatever it is, do it, do it, do it 'til you're satisfied, but I've seen that trip. I've even been on that trip for a short distance. That trip cold gets old. Ain't appropriate for polite company no more.

So, Hannah, publicly I ask thee to Chill, woman! Your electronic Jesus machine could peel paint! We'll all be kickin' it in the sky with Pappy, Junior, & the Spook in enough years anyway.

Be decent, y'all.